For the girls......enjoy!!!!

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
~Helen Hayes (at 73).

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
~Janette Barber

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
~Jan King

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!"
~Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
~Lily Tomlin

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
~Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
~Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
~Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first is..... hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
~Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
~Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
~Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
~Jane Sellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
~Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
~Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
~Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
~Jennifer Unlimited

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
~Catherine Aird

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss and they called ME slow!
~Kathy Buckley

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I'm also not blonde.
~Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
~Erica Jong

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
~Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
~Roseanne

I think-therefore I'm single.
~Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
~Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
~Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man -- if you want anything done, ask a woman.
~Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and career.
~Gloria Steinem

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
~Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
~Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
~Eleanor Roosevelt